Pilot by day, raging alcoholic by night.
Co-pilot: Chuck the highly trained imaginary monkey.
We soar (and drink) with reckless abandon.
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“I can’t believe my pilot friend is at it again, stumbling around and barely able to keep upright. Every time he has a few drinks, he thinks he’s invincible and ends up making a complete fool of himself.
But you know what they say – monkeys always land on their feet. Unfortunately, my pilot friend doesn’t seem to have that same ability. Every time he tries to make his way to the bathroom, he ends up crashing into walls and knocking over furniture.
I’ve tried to intervene and help him, but he just waves me off and insists he’s fine. But he’s not fine – he’s drunk, and he needs to sober up before he hurts himself or someone else.
I know he likes to have a good time, and I’m all for letting loose every now and then. But there’s a limit, and he needs to learn to control himself.
I just hope he realizes that before it’s too late. Until then, I’ll be here to catch him when he falls and make sure he doesn’t do any permanent damage.”
Pilot Friend Monologue
“Ah, that darn monkey of mine! Always worrying about me and my drinking habits. I mean, I’m a grown man and I can take care of myself.
Sure, I may be a bit tipsy right now, but I can still stand up when I need to go to the bathroom. I mean, it’s not like I’m going to fall or anything.
I’ve been drinking for years and I know how to handle myself. I don’t need some imaginary monkey of mine hovering over me, worrying that I can’t do something as simple as stand up and walk to the bathroom.
As a pilot friend of mine once said, with the right balance of caution and confidence, you can keep enjoying your drinks without having to worry about the consequences.
I can handle myself and I don’t need to be coddled like a baby. That’s just the way I am, and I’m sure any other pilot friend of mine would feel the same way.”
As the clock struck midnight on January 1st, 2022, I made a vow to myself: this would be the year that I finally put an end to my monkey hallucinations while flying my plane. It had been a tough year, to say the least. There were several close calls and a couple of emergency landings that were all caused by my monkey distractions. It is time for a change in New Year 2023.
2022: I definitely have some issues
Tackling this problem wasn’t easy, but I was determined to do whatever it took. I started by seeking help from a therapist, who prescribed me a medication to help regulate my brain chemistry. It wasn’t a quick fix, but over time, I began to notice a difference in my mental clarity while in the cockpit.
I also made a conscious effort to take better care of myself overall. I started exercising regularly and eating a healthier diet, which helped to improve my overall physical and mental well-being. And when the urge to hallucinate about monkeys would strike, I found that taking deep breaths and focusing on the present moment helped to bring me back to reality. Let’s hope New Year 2023 I can banish the monkey for good.
As the months went by, my flying improved significantly. My colleagues and passengers noticed the difference, and I received several compliments on my newfound focus and professionalism. I was finally able to fully immerse myself in the task at hand and give my undivided attention to the safety and comfort of those on board.
But the real test came when I was faced with a particularly difficult flight. The weather was turbulent and the conditions were less than ideal, but I remained calm and focused thanks to the techniques I had learned and practiced over the past year. When we landed safely at our destination, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Looking back on 2022, I can honestly say that it was a transformative year for me. I may have had a rocky start, but I ended the year as a more confident and competent pilot. And as I prepare to welcome New Year 2023, I’m excited to see what new challenges and opportunities the future holds.
New Year 2023: Onwards and upwards
It seems that not much has changed since I made my New Year 2022’s resolution to stop hallucinating about monkeys while flying. Despite my efforts to seek help from a therapist and take care of myself physically and mentally, the monkeys just won’t go away.
But rather than letting this disappointment defeat me, I’ve decided to turn to blogging as a way to find inner peace and share my wildest thoughts with the world. I’ve always enjoyed writing, and I believe that sharing my experiences and struggles can help me make sense of them and potentially even help others who may be going through similar struggles.
I know that my journey to overcome my monkey hallucinations and improve my overall well-being won’t be easy, but I’m determined to keep working towards my goals for this New Year 2023. And by documenting my progress and thoughts on my blog, I hope to not only help myself, but also inspire and connect with others who may be struggling with their own challenges. Here’s to a new year, a new beginning, and a new outlet for self-discovery and growth.
And here we go again… another drunk start
As I sit here, typing this final entry for the year, I can’t help but feel a little bit drunk. And to top it off, the monkey is back, licking my feet clean as I sit at my desk. I suppose this is just another reminder that my journey towards inner peace and monkey-free flying is far from over.
But rather than letting this bring me down, I choose to embrace the craziness of it all and send my best wishes to all of you for a happy and healthy new year. Here’s to hoping that New Year 2023 brings us all the joy, growth, and monkey-free moments that we deserve. Cheers!
It was Christmas morning and I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My head was pounding and my mouth felt like sandpaper. I tried to sit up, but the room was spinning. That’s when I realized I was surrounded by Christmas monkeys.
I have no idea how they got there, but there were at least a dozen of them, all chattering and swinging from the rafters. I groggily stumbled out of bed, trying to shake off the fog in my brain.
But then something strange happened. As I stumbled around the room, the monkeys started to hand me presents. And not just any presents – these were the quirkiest, most unique gifts I had ever received.
A banana-shaped lamp that played “Jingle Bells” when you turned it on.
As I turned on the banana-shaped lamp, I expected to hear the familiar sound of “Jingle Bells” emanating from it. But what happened next was something I could never have anticipated.
As the notes of the song began to play, the monkeys in the room all started to dance. They swung from the rafters, jumped on the bed, and even started to sing along. The lamp itself seemed to pulse with the music, glowing bright yellow as the monkeys danced around it.
But it didn’t stop there. As the song continued, I suddenly found myself transported to a magical land filled with glittering snow and twinkling lights. I was standing on a stage, surrounded by a cheering crowd of monkeys, all of them dancing along to the music.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. It was like something out of a dream. And as the song came to an end, I found myself back in my bedroom, surrounded by a group of grinning monkeys and still reeling from the incredible experience.
I knew that this was one Christmas present I would never forget.
A set of monkey-sized overalls with “Merry Christmas” embroidered on the front.
As I pulled on the monkey-sized overalls with “Merry Christmas” embroidered on the front, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of it all. I mean, who in their right mind would have thought to give a person monkey-sized overalls as a gift?
But as I looked in the mirror, I have to admit that I felt a sense of joy and whimsy wash over me. The overalls were just so darn cute and the embroidered message was the perfect touch.
I couldn’t resist the urge to strike a pose, pretending that I was a monkey working on a farm. As I posed and preened in front of the mirror, the monkeys in the room all started to cheer and clap.
It was a moment of pure joy and levity, and one that I would always remember with a smile.
A hand-painted ceramic mug with a picture of a Christmas monkey riding a unicycle on it.
As I picked up the hand-painted ceramic mug with a picture of a monkey riding a unicycle on it, one of the monkeys in the room let out a whistle of appreciation.
“Nice mug, human!” the monkey exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted to ride a unicycle, but I can’t seem to get the hang of it. Maybe I should just stick to mug collecting instead.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at the monkey’s comment. It was such a silly and unexpected thing to say, but it brought a smile to my face all the same.
As I lifted the mug to my lips and took a sip, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for the joy and whimsy that the monkeys had brought into my life. It was a Christmas morning that I would never forget.
A stuffed Christmas monkey toy that doubled as a hot water bottle.
As I picked up the stuffed monkey toy that doubled as a hot water bottle, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit confused. I mean, who in their right mind would give someone a stuffed monkey toy that doubled as a hot water bottle?
But then I saw the glint in the monkey’s eyes and I realized what was going on. I had a feeling that this wasn’t just any old hot water bottle.
So, with a sense of curiosity and a bit of a slur in my speech (thanks to the hangover), I lifted the monkey toy to my lips and took a sip. And that’s when things got really interesting.
As it turns out, the stuffed monkey toy was actually filled with straight vodka. And as the fiery liquid burned its way down my throat, I felt a warmth and a sense of joy wash over me.
I couldn’t believe my luck. I mean, who wouldn’t want to start their Christmas morning with a shot of vodka from a stuffed monkey toy? It was ridiculous and absurd, but it was also the perfect way to kick off a day filled with joy and laughter.
A set of monkey-sized drumsticks and a tiny drum set.
As I picked up the set of monkey-sized drumsticks and the tiny drum set, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of excitement wash over me. I had always wanted to learn how to play the drums, and now it seemed like I was going to get my chance.
But as I began to drum out a simple beat, I was interrupted by a sudden burst of activity. Three monkeys, all dressed in tiny drummer outfits, jumped onto the drum set and began to play like lunatics.
They pounded on the drums with a ferocity that I had never seen before, leaping and jumping around the room like lunatics. The sound was incredible, a cacophony of rhythm and energy that filled the room.
As I watched in amazement, the monkeys played a dramatic finale, jumping and spinning around the room in a frenzy of drumming and laughter. It was a moment of pure joy and excitement, and one that I would always remember with a smile.
I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Here I was, hungover and surrounded by monkeys, receiving the most bizarre Christmas presents I had ever seen. But as I looked at the joy on their faces, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of joy myself.
Despite the hangover, I was filled with a sense of wonder and excitement. I knew that this was going to be a Christmas I would never forget. And as I sat surrounded by monkeys, I couldn’t help but feel grateful for the joy they had brought into my life for Christmas.
