Drunk Pilot

My name is Elfie and I am going to teach you how to make Eggnog. I’m also an elf who is convinced that I am actually a monkey. I know, it’s a strange situation, but let me explain. You see, I have always felt like a mischievous, fun-loving monkey at heart, but unfortunately, I was born with the appearance of an elf. It can be quite confusing at times, especially when I try to describe how I feel versus how I look.

But enough about my identity crisis – let’s talk about something much more important: eggnog. I absolutely adore this creamy, spiced holiday drink and I can’t wait to share my secret recipe with you. Trust me when I say that this eggnog is the tastiest you’ll ever have. Whether you’re an elf, a monkey, or something else entirely, I guarantee that you’ll fall in love with its rich, festive flavor. So grab a mug and let’s get sipping!

Eggnog recipe

Ingredients:

• 4 egg yolks
• 1/4 cup granulated sugar
• 1 cup milk
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg, plus more for serving
• 1/3 cup brandy
• 1/3 cup rum
• 1/3 cup whiskey

Instructions for eggnog:

1. In a medium saucepan, whisk together the egg yolks and sugar until well combined.
2. Add the milk, cream, vanilla extract, and nutmeg to the saucepan and place over medium heat. Cook, stirring constantly, until the mixture thickens and coats the back of a spoon. This should take about 10-12 minutes.
3. Remove the saucepan from the heat and stir in the brandy, rum, or whiskey, if using.
4. Strain the mixture through a fine-mesh sieve into a bowl or pitcher and let cool to room temperature.
5. Cover and refrigerate the eggnog until chilled, at least 2 hours or up to 2 days.
6. When ready to serve, give the eggnog a good stir and pour into glasses. Grate a little extra nutmeg over the top of each serving, if desired. Enjoy!

As a monkey, I must admit that I am not a fan of food in general. I much prefer to munch on my tail or a nice piece of fruit. However, when I was invited to a degustation dinner with Heston Blumenthal and Marilyn Monroe, I knew I had to put on my best behavior and try to enjoy the food.

To my surprise, the food was actually quite revolting. Each dish seemed to be more complicated and bizarre than the last. Foams, gels, and powders were abound, and I found myself struggling to even identify what I was eating.

Despite my distaste for the food, I did my best to remain polite and not offend Heston or Marilyn. However, I couldn’t help but nibble on my tail throughout the evening in an attempt to find some sort of comfort.

Marilyn Monroe loves tail too

Marilyn Monroe must have noticed my peculiar behaviour, as she asked me if she could try a bite of my tail. I was caught off guard and wasn’t sure how to respond. In the end, I decided it was best to decline her offer and simply smile and nod.

Overall, the degustation dinner was a difficult experience for me. While Heston’s culinary creations may be impressive to some, they were definitely not to my taste. I was relieved when the evening came to an end and I could finally go home and nibble on something a bit more familiar.

After the degustation dinner came to an end, Marilyn and I decided to unwind with a bottle of wine. We found a cozy spot at the bar and settled in for a relaxing evening. As we sipped our wine, a handsome, bushy-eyed pilot appeared and sat down next to us.

Pilot is absolutely disgusted

Unfortunately, it seemed that the pilot had overheard my less-than-positive thoughts about the food and was disgusted by my opinions. He seemed to take Heston’s culinary creations quite seriously and was not pleased that I did not share his appreciation for them.

Despite the pilot’s disappointment in my tastes, Marilyn and I continued to enjoy our wine and each other’s company. It was a pleasant evening overall, even if the food was not to my liking.

As the night went on, Marilyn and I continued to chat and laugh over our bottle of wine. The atmosphere was warm and inviting, and I found myself feeling more and more at ease in her presence.

And then Marilyn Monroe made my heart flutter

At some point, I must have said something particularly amusing, because Marilyn leaned in and planted a soft kiss on my cheek. I was completely taken aback by the gesture and couldn’t help but blush.

Despite my initial surprise, I found myself enjoying the moment and relishing the feeling of Marilyn’s lips on my skin. It was a truly unforgettable experience, and one that I will always treasure.

As the night went on, I found myself getting more and more excited. The wine had definitely gone to my head, and I was starting to feel like I could take on the world.

Just like in a fairytale

In a sudden burst of energy, I stood up and declared that I was no longer a mere monkey – I had transformed into a handsome and drunk pilot!

Marilyn Monroe looked at me with a mix of surprise and amusement, and I could tell that she was having a hard time stifling a laugh. Undeterred, I strutted around the bar, trying to strike my best pilot pose.

I’m not sure if it was the wine or the company, but I felt completely invincible at that moment. It was a truly unforgettable evening, and one that I will always look back on with fondness.